David, November 2, 2018
My beautiful David. It’s been a hard year. Full of ups and downs, full of joy and tears. You are repeating second grade, and unfortunately we still haven’t found the perfect balance of medication for you yet. Most of the time when you act out, it isn’t completely your fault. You are on so much medication that you just can’t help it. I can’t imagine how I’d handle being on the doses of medication that you have to endure everyday. But in my eyes, you are such a tough little guy and are doing a great job.
I hope that when you look back on your childhood that you remember the happy times. I hope you remember having a blast at Disney World, not the seizure you had while there. I hope you have fond memories of school rather than memories of your mom being confused and upset because you didn’t do your work yet again. I do my best Baby, I really do. There is a fine line between just letting everything go due to the medication, and making you accountable for your behavior. It’s hard to tell sometimes, and I’m sorry for when I do mess up.
When I look back at my own childhood, I remember the unhappy memories more often than the happy ones. Maybe that’s because I’m me, but I hope that when you are older and look back at your childhood that you see fond memories of us playing in the front yard, making up stories, laughing at fart jokes (yes, I’m horrible- I know), and sitting around the coffee table playing games as a family.
I hope that you remember how much your dad and I believe in you, how much we love you, and how hard we fight for you. I want you to remember that you are not your mistakes. You are not the side effects of your medication. You are a miracle, and your Dad and I are so thankful for you and all the joy you have brought into our lives.
You are worth every laugh, smile, and tear. You are worth our time and our advocacy. We will never regret loving you and fighting for you. You are worth it all.
I love you.